


You're a Mean One, Mr. Rogers

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Balrog 'Verse Asteroid Belt [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse of Christmas Music, Balrog is Longsuffering but no one appreciates it, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Miracles, Crack, Darcyland (Marvel), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, The Many Expressions of Steve Rogers, is it possible to have too many voices in your head?, the Grinch as a metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28307907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: When Darcy and Tony get into an argument about proper Christmas music etiquette, Darcy decides to teach him a lesson.  Unfortunately, Tony is Too Powerful, and an innocent marshmallow gets caught in the crossfire
Relationships: Darcy Lewis & Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
Series: Balrog 'Verse Asteroid Belt [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/792213
Comments: 22
Kudos: 95





	You're a Mean One, Mr. Rogers

_Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Griiii-inch!_

Darcy smirked at Balrog as the music blared out of the Mullet speakers, signaling Tony's entrance into the lab. He really should have known better than to go up against a Lewis when Christmas music was involved. Really, she was surprised he'd held out for a whole three days. She'd been sure he would cave after three hours. ‘Have we learned our lesson yet?’ she asked without turning around.

Balrog rolled his eyes, but let her continue hanging Christmas ornaments from his antlers. She’d already tangled a string of lights in them, and between that and the sweater she’d crocheted him, he was looking quite festive.

‘Yes, yes we have, and I promise to apologize as soon as you tell me what I did to upset you.’

At the voice, which was not the voice of the Tower’s resident Grinch but rather that of its resident cinnamon roll who had never done anything wrong, ever— _I don't think you mean who you think you mean_ sounded judgmentally in the back of her head, and she instantly regretted introducing Bucky to _Princess Bride—_ she whirled. _‘Steve?'_

‘Yup.' He stood just inside the door of the Mullet, hands in his pockets and that patent Distressed Cinnamon Roll look on his face. ‘Seriously, Darcy, whatever it was I'm sorry. I can't figure out what I did but I promise I'll never do it again, just tell me what it was.'

Future Darcy would look back on his impassioned speech and treasure it in her heart, but Present Darcy was presently only capable of blinking at him.

‘Uh, Darcy?' Distressed Cinnamon Roll was starting to give way to Concerned Champion of Widows and Orphans and Overworked Science!Gremlins. _(You name his expressions?_ The Bucky-voice sounded disgusted. _You've met Steve before, right? You know it's all an act.)_ ‘Are you okay? You're starting to scare me.'

_He's worried about me!_ Mental Darcy grinned, even as Physical Darcy went ‘Bu—bu—bu—'

_PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WOMAN!_ the Bucky-voice roared. At the same time, Balrog gave her a none-too-gentle shove, snapping her out of her shock. She surged to her feet, making Steve take a cautious step back. ‘Steve.'

‘Yeah?'

‘Steven.'

‘That's me.'

‘Stephaniah.'

‘Please never call me that again.'

‘Why is the Grinch song following you around?'

Now it was his turn to blink. ‘That's why I'm here. Tony said you were mad at me, and—'

‘Tony, of course!' She frowned at the ceiling. ‘FRIDAY, what gives?'

‘Sorry Darcy, the boss man enacted the You're Not the Boss of Me protocol.'

She clenched a fist. ‘Curse his superior AI-ing skills. Well, can you at least stop torturing poor Steve here?'

‘Poor Steve here would really appreciate it,' Steve added, shooting a Winsome Grin toward the ceiling.

‘It's not that easy, I'm afraid. Boss man said you'd have to break the curse with the magic of Christmas.'

‘Seriously? And I was going to turn it off for him as soon as he admitted that it was acceptable to start playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving.' Darcy raised an eyebrow at Steve. ‘What does he expect us to do, anyway? Hold hands around Balrog and sing _Dahoo Dores?_ I'm not exactly Cindy-Lou Who material here.'

Balrog sent an impression of _try it, see how far you get._ Apparently he wasn't Christmas tree material, lights and ornaments notwithstanding.

‘I think he had something a little more traditional in mind.' FRIDAY's voice was amused. ‘Look up.'

‘Look up? What do you think I've been—ohhh, I get it.'

‘What? Get what?' Steve followed her gaze. ‘Oh yeah, that makes sense.'

Dangling from the Mullet ceiling was a sprig of greenery dotted with white berries. It definitely hadn't been there before.

Darcy looked down to find Steve standing a _lot_ closer than he had been a second ago. ‘Um. Hello.'

‘Help me out, Darcy?' He gave her the big, sad, I'm Small and Adorable eyes that really shouldn't have been so effective considering he was about a foot taller than her but still managed to turn her reasoning to mush. ‘I like Tony the Tiger as much as the next guy, but it's been three days.'

‘Yeah, sure,' she sighed dreamily.

_Oh, I give up,_ the Bucky-voice groaned.

_Don't listen to him!_ A new voice piped up, one that sounded like Jane. _This is your chance! Snog that supersoldier!_

Darcy really couldn't argue with her boss. _Ma'am yes ma'am!_

_Hey, you argue with me all the time!_ the Jane-voice began indignantly, but by then Darcy was already going up on tiptoes to slide her arms over Steve's shoulders as he bent to press his lips to hers. Jane Bucky, and Tony the Tiger all faded into oblivion as her focus narrowed to Steve and the delightful sensation of his arms around her as he kissed the daylights out of her.

Tony might be a Grinch, but _dang_ he gave good presents!

When they broke apart, it took several seconds before her brain could reboot to the point that she could open her eyes. The first thing she saw was Steve grinning a Soft and Dopey grin at her. ‘Merry Christmas, Darcy.'

She bit her lip, grinning back at him. ‘Merry Christmas, Steve.'

The Mullet doors whooshed open. ‘It's December 10th!' Tony yelled from the safety of the hallway before running off with a cackle.

Darcy let her forehead drop onto Steve's chest, feeling the rumble of his laughter. ‘Wanna get revenge?'

‘Absolutely.'

Best. Christmas. _Ever._

**Author's Note:**

> Jane was all too happy to aide them in their Vengeance Quest by helping them redesign Tony's suit. The next time the Avengers were called upon to fight evil, they were joined not by Iron Man but Iron Grinch. Naturally, Tony made it work
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr!](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/)  
> Merry Christmas, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
